Tuesday, 3 September 2013

The Battle of Holland Farm or the Battle of Lee's Dice


As some of you may be already aware at Salute this year Mike from MiniStories asked Battleaxe to paint up a ACW train from Redout Minis, pics here. Well the postage to Holland worked out to £47, so Mike after he'd nearly had a heart attck over the postage costs, arranged with his Mrs to visit their family over here in Blighty, so as Mike was coming to Gravesend to pick the train up, the least we could do was put on a game for him!!
BigLee has already posted his tale of woe, from now on, well in this post anyway, he shall be known as PoorLee! I've never ever seen such bad dice rolling, if you thought you've had a bad dice game, just double, no triple maybe even quadruple it and you can match PoorLee's rolls in this game.


The initial set up, Union on the left, the Rebs on the right.


Mike commanded the right of the Reb line while Dave was on the left.


PoorLee ( he won't be smiling for long), commanded the Union left opposite Mike, 
while Richard faced Dave. Now what did I command you maybe wondering.
Sod all is the answer!!
I was at a wedding the day before and didn't expect to make it back for the start of the game, which I did, through lots of bribery and the promise of doing the washing up!
Infact I didn't even know what side I'd be on???


Dave's troops all waiting in column for the start of the game. We diced for the start and the Rebs won, which gave them a bonus as they were ordered to attack the Union, who just had to hold on.


Richard's command, they'll probably defend that hill, well I would?


Before the game Mike complained that his dice rolling was usually crap, and proved himself right by throwing a 1 with his first die, no move for that brigade then!!


A view up the table showing most of the Reb column's charging forward.
\


As luck would have it, after the Rebs first turn, they got some reinforcements on, two units of Cavalry. I thought they were my command, how wrong was I?


Rich does indeed take the position on the hill, the Union guns should start 
to do some damage pretty soon??


Hello, what's all this then, "Tis a boat" shouted Postie. The Union's reinforcements. 
The Sea Witch with a small brigade of Marines


Dave takes Holland Farm with his Cavalry, and forces Richard to change his plans.


Mikes starts to move towards the hill, while PoorLee tries to get into a defensive position.


The Face-off!


Aha another boat, but this boats not a boat it's an Ironclad the CSS Atlanta.
Unfortunately I didn't get a pic of PoorLee's face, but it was a classic.


After loads of bad die rolls PoorLee managed to get his artillery up on the hill ready for Mike's attack.
This is gonna hurt, well it would have done if PoorLee wasn't throwing the dice!! he he!


Another boat turns up, the US Cricket, know the moaning started, how come they get an
 Ironclad and we get two crappy wooden boats!!!
I don't need to tell you who said that, do I?
he's big and his name rhymes with wee?


Dave takes a risk, and dismounts one of his Cavalry on the flank of Richard's artillery, while continuing to move around the flank with the other.


There was raucous laughter from the Rebs and lots more whining from the Union side, when 
Postie placed the next Reb ship on the table, its only a Monitor!!!! The CSS General Lee. 
Get in there!!!!


In the centre left of the table Rich pushed forward, but was seriously outnumbered.


He also charged the dis-mounted Cavalry with his Brigade, and caused them
 to go worn, not good for the Rebs!!


A great pic, you can clearly see the Union could well be in for a hard slog!


Rich gets some reinforcements, I did think they were my troops, but I was wrong godammit! 
And when the hell am I gonna take part in this bloody game!!
Two units of Union Cavalry take to the field, at first Rich was undecided in which direction to send them, in the end he sent both off towards the woods in the centre of the table.


At last I finally get some troops on the table, I've only been watching the others
 play for for 5 bloody hours, yes 5 fecking hours!!!! Doesn't Postie know the trouble I 
got myself into getting to this game on time!!!
I'm a very pi$$ed off Confederate now.


PoorLee tucks into the only good thing that came out of the game for him, a giant Jam Doughnut!


Rich gives fire and our, (I can say our now??) unit on the road gets a red spent marker, that's not good!


There's a big bash up in the woods


Mike charges PoorLee's troops in front of the hill.


PoorLee's dice roll were truly disastrous, the Union rout back through the artillery.


Just look at that moosh! ha ha!


Dave moves his Rebs around the flank of Richard's infantry in the centre bottom, but forgets to refuse his flank , leaving it open for Richard to try and take advantage of. On PoorLee's hill centre top, Mike carried on his charge and captures two of PoorLee's artillery, PoorLee threw a 1 to Mike's 10! and to make matters even worse, PoorLee dice deserted him again as he then failed his morale for the previous routed unit which then ran off table


Dave charged Richard's artillery with the remnants of his Cavalry, Rich threw well but not as well as Dave, the first artillery piece was captured, Dave then followed through and captured the next piece, things were looking good and I hadn't thrown a dice in anger........yet!


This was the icing on the cake, PoorLee finally had Mike Ironclad where he wanted it, 4 shots at the Ironclad, he needed a 6 or over to inflict some damage, he threw 3 1's and a 5. It was about now that we all started to feel a little sorry for the hapless Reject, his partner Richard on the other hand swore something like "Oh for fecks sake Lee!!!" Rich usually doesn't swear he's normally very calm and collected, but PoorLee had finally sent him over the edge! And here's the icing,  Mike fired and blew up PoorLee's Paddle Steamer!


 A dejected Reject.


Look! I moved some troops!


Rich charged off the hill, straight into Dave's flank and threw a hell of a lot better than his chum two photos up, who was seen throwing dice for no reason at all, dribbling and muttering to himself in the corner.
He routed the unit and looked pretty strong in the centre, until......


I changed formation, which meant his two units know faced 5 fresh Reb brigades, his
 position was untenable. I actually got to throw a dice, I fired at Richard's brigade with my very large 12 stand brigade, after all the pi$$ taking of PoorLee's dice roll's I very deservedly threw a 1 myself, much to everyone else's merriment!!
And there the game was called
The Confederates had won 25-21 on points, which was a lot closer than we all thought.



For his valiant efforts in holding off the marauding Rebs but mainly for having to put up with 
 PoorLee's abysmal dice rolling exploits, Richard was awarded the Reject Medal of Honour, which
 is usually only given out during Napoleonic games!
Well done Rich!


79 comments:

  1. Cool to see boats in the battle.
    Bummer about Mike's initial throw but nice of you guys to host a game for him.

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    1. It was a great game to watch, cause that's about all I did!

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  2. What a enjoyable report. Thank you Ray I did enjoy the read. Not a lot about Fran in it for once. Which makes a change. £47 postage is HUGE. I guess something has to pay for posties early retirement though!

    I hope to see you all at Skirmish in three weeks so until then, take care have fun and a cracking report sir.

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it Clint, unfortunately the big Irish fella was suck at work. The postage was rather steep, I'm just glad he got it home in one piece! I won't be going to Skirmish, I can't get the day off as one of the other lads has already booked it off!

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    2. No worries mate sometimes work gets in the way.

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  3. Ray, that is one, hilarious recounting of your recent game! Great job in the storytelling and the photos.

    Jon

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    1. Glad you liked it Jon, I do like to inject a little humour in a post!

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  4. Great write up mate. The Dice Gods abandoned me on the day. I can't believe how many 1's I rolled during the course of the game. I took the laws of physics and mathematics and systematically destroyed them... which is more than I did to the Rebs.

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  5. great looking game and Lee's dice seem a match for Loki's
    Peace James

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    1. I've never witnessed anything like it????

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    2. I bloody well have!!! happens regularly to me

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  6. lol this has to be my favourite battle report by far! Great looking table and miniatures. Those boats are particular good and a nice addition I wasn't expecting them to arrive at all!

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    1. Nice one Simon, glad you liked it! We weren't expecting them either, but I'm so glad we got the better boats!

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  7. Thanks for sharing. Great report.

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  8. Wow great game. I really love the boats.

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    1. It was all the boats except the small vessel the Seawitch's first ever outing!

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  9. Great looking game and certainly Big Lee does look dejected.

    John

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  10. Ray, you've not seen worse die rolling as you have yet to observe me rolling dice.

    Also, my very first game with my wargaming club, nearly 30 years ago now, saw my British infantry and attached artillery marching, on a road, back and forth all day. I never rolled a single die in combat after six hours. It was my "reward" for following orders from our army commander.

    Looks like you lads were playing Fire&Fury. You should try playing it at "eye level" where only the umpire sees the full table, with each play sitting with the edge of the table even with his eyes. All one can see is battle flags and terrain. It makes for a terrific way to play.

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    1. I've had my share and seen some bad rolling, but I'm afraid BigLee's dice rolling really does take the biscuit!

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  11. I know how poor Lee feels!

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    1. I did feel sorry for the poor chap in the end!

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  12. Great battle report, very fun to read. :)

    And yeah, poor Lee ... We've all been there I think. ;)

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  13. oooh, look at them naval reinforcements!

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  14. This AAR has it all...highs, lows, surprise ships and ironclads. Great read on what was a great game for all except poor Lee. Better luck next time?

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  15. Great report of a great game -- sorry you had to wait five hours to get in though!

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    1. Yeh I was getting a little miffed!!!!!!

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  16. Wow - that's a big battle. You guys always put on impressive games. Dean

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  17. Those pictures of Lee's face as this progresses are priceless! Poor man, I do feel sorry for him.

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    1. At least he didn't get jam all over his shirt. So there's a bright side.

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    2. Poor chap, it was really funny at first but you did feel for him in the end!

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  18. Great report, a fantastic looking battle, love the boats!
    All the best,
    Phil.

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    1. Thanks Phil, the boats do look pretty!!

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  19. I barely know Lee, and I feel terrible for the guy. Why'd you even document this?!

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  20. Your battle reports are more than fun to read! Thanks for sharing Ray! :)

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  21. I've had a fantastic day at Rejects HQ again Ray. The game had it all (when you where in it:) and is one I will remember for ages. The naval battle was the icing on the cake and I will never forget PoorLee as the man who throws his dice even worse than I do. I could have wiped out his flank with just one battalion with his luck. But as said before, he took it as a true gentleman. Classic game and most important, great fun with countless laughs and hilarious moments.
    Cheers, Mike

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    1. Glad you enjoyed your day out at Reject HQ Mike!!

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  22. Poor Lee indeed. I'd also almost say poor Ray, one dice throw at the end of the game? Still looked like fun. Except for the bad dice.

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    1. % hours was a bloody long time to wait!!!!

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  23. Bloody Brilliant, I want to play LOL

    Ian

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  24. ACW - what can I say? :O)

    Looks like a great game and also not "Napoleonic' look ACW games so often seen. Nice figures too.

    Shame about the dice throws. I know that feeling only too well . . .

    :O(

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    1. We always seem to have a great game playing ACW, sometimes a little frustrating and sometime a little like Lee's last game!

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  25. Like always, I've not understood this (interesting)batttle-report... but:
    -good pictures (I like the boats: simple but nice)
    -it seems that you had fun, so I'm happy for you all !!
    (I know that's some of you (the "loosers") had less fun, but that's a game!)

    Wargames is an extraterrestrial thing for me!

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    1. You need to give it a go, its a lot of fun!

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  26. We call those wooden boats "Timberclads" and the US Navy had a load of them. Great write-up! It reminds me I've got to get back to gaming ACW.

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  27. I couldn't really print what Lee called them, he's was really upset when he learned the name of his Monitor, the Winnebago, "Why's mine named after a Camper Van?" he moaned. I tried to explain it was an Indian tribe and language, but he'd very nearly lost the will to live by then!!

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  28. Great game Ray. I particularly liked seeing the riverboat and monitors!

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    1. I'd forgotten Postie had them, to be honest??

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  29. Looks like it was a blast! I guess Mike didn't see the name of your blog and threw a one anyway.

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  30. "Professional Wargame Spectator"... is there such a position ? If so then you sound eminently suitable for the post. No doubt you looked on the bright side that at least Fran wasn't in attendance (apparently).

    For all that it did sound like a fun game and even with the PoorLee incurring the dice gods' wrath it was much closer than I'd anticipated.

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    1. It was a fun game to WATCH! just wish I could have thrown a few more dice, but hey I was on the winning side and it was even better knowing Fran was at work!

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  31. Excellent report, Ray. I feel like I was there!

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  32. LOL - brilliant report. Was this the brigade or regimental version of Fire and Fury? Makes me want to start ACW again!
    Greg

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    1. It was the older Brigade version of FnF. Its a fun but extremely unpretictable game, just ask PoorLee!

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  34. So were a spectator at this game....like we are now....and leave Lee alone you bloody bully!

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  35. Another great report. Feel sorry for Big Lee but lets admit - it's secretly great fun watching your opponent getting hammered by unlucky dice rolls. Or is it just me?

    Regards,
    Matt

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    1. Nope not just you Matt! There's something truly marvellous about watching your opponents morale sink into the oblivion.
      I'm just hoping I'm not on Lee's side for the next game, trouble is so are all the other Rejects!!

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  36. Another good looking table and figures and a twist or two in the scenario. You guys certainly play some good games.

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    1. We're pretty lucky really, every gaming group needs a Postie!

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  37. Cracking report as always Ray, Well done Richard.

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    1. Cheers Brian, looking forward to my package!

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  38. Great looking ACW game! My favorite period! I really like the naval aspect of the game. Great stuff!

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